Prenuptial agreements. How in the hell did we land on such a topic? Well, it all started
during dinner last night. *Scott and I were out eating at a Dominican
restaurant talking about who knows what. Somehow we began talking about being
faithful in a relationship and cheating. He talked about how a family member
that he is extremely close to was screwed over in his marriage. The wife was
unfaithful and when they divorced she took him for everything he had. Then he
said the guy was making over $100,000 per year and he should have gotten a
prenup. I said I understood however, I do not like the notion of those
agreements because I feel like it is a plan to fail. So we went back and forth
talking about our opinions about prenuptial agreements. He said he will not get
married to or even consider dating a woman who is unwilling to sign a
prenuptial agreement. Then, I told him that he is planning to fail however, I do
understand that you need to acquire some type of protection in a relationship.
I mentioned to him that I am not comfortable with the idea of prenups because I believe in
marrying for love and that would make me feel as though I can't be trusted or I am a gold digger. He went right back at it again saying if you marry for love
then having a prenup will not be a problem because you will never have to use
it. So, I steered the conversation towards our relationship. I asked him, "What if I
don’t want to sign a prenup". He replied, “Then this whole relationship is going
to be a waste of time”. To me in my twisted mind this meant that our
relationship can lead to marriage, or at least he might see it that way. He kept staring at me hard to see what I was thinking. So when
we got back to his place I researched prenuptial agreements so that I can fully
understand the use of them. I am still not to keen on the idea of planning to
fail but, protecting yourself in case your partner turns out to be your worst
nightmare, I like that part.
If in the future
I were to sign a prenup I would want to make sure it is fair for both parties. What
do you guys think about prenuptial agreements?
I have no problem with signing a prenup. To me it is an affirmation that I don't want nor (hopefully) need your financial support. A prenup for me would only need to cover potential/eventual children. Nothing is assured so I understand why someone successful wants one, I think everyone should one.
ReplyDeleteYou spend years getting to know someone but things change depending on how a relationship ends. I am not a vindictive person but in the back of my mind I do wonder if I was messed over would I turn into a B or would I have the strength I would want to just walk away and be happy about just walking away.
I also don't believe signing a prenup is a way of saying you expect the relationship to fail. A prenup is like a will, saving, and any other security measure. No one knows what the future will hold no matter how cautious, loving and what preventive measures you put in place.
If you are not comfortable with a prenup then you are not comfortable with it and only you can change your mind/belief. If you two ever revisit the conversation, if he hasn't answered it already, find out what his motives are for a prenup. Is he just looking to protect his assets? Put something in place to secure your, his, and/or your children's future? Prenup are only as evil as the person initiating it or the lawyer (ha).
I know that there is no malicious intent on his part. If we ever get to that stage in our relationship I would make sure that both our assets and children would be taken care of properly so that there isn't one party taking each other for what they got.
ReplyDeleteThat's nice of him to lay it on the table “Then this whole relationship is going to be a waste of time”. What a way to kill romance. Nothing is ever a waste of time if you learn things from it. Also that is quite a big threat - do what I say or else. I understand his point of view and it is sad that in these times we live in we have to consider such things. Money isn't the be all and end all, it really isn't. I'd think long and hard about this before doing anything...
ReplyDeleteI have to take him the way he is; a very blunt and upfront type of guy. It didn't kill the romance for me because I am learning what he feels about marriage. I see the waste of time statement as.. "why are we spending years together if it isn't going to lead to marriage". I get that and I feel like any relationship that isn't casual for me is based on the intent to get married. I also see no point in wasting time with someone who I don't see a future with. Talk to me more often!!
DeleteNever agree to something just because your significant other gives you an ultimatum. You could end up with a lot of resentment towards him. If you want to sign because it's something you've researched and have seriously considered then go for it, just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons and not just to satisfy him.
ReplyDeleteSadly, divorce is rampant nowadays. That can be one reason why a pre-nuptial agreement is a must for some couples. It can be a bit overwhelming, but it is a way to protect both parties’ assets. It’s really a scary topic, and I’m not surprised with your reaction as I have the same when my boyfriend, and now husband, open that topic before we got married. But when I look at it thoroughly, it’s makes sense. Besides, if you really love each other, pre-nuptial agreement is just a paper, after all.
ReplyDeleteToccara Mclachlan
I think there's nothing wrong with signing a prenuptial agreement. It would protect not only your assets and properties, but your relationship as well. But financially speaking, it is a definition for respect for privacy.
ReplyDeleteFerdinand Draper