My life has been a roller coaster as of late.
Stressing so much that I even lost weight. Nothing drastic but, enough to know
I went down one pant size. I was discussing my feelings with my mom and step
dad over lunch yesterday and they asked if I ever confide in *Scott. I
answered, no. I don't recall a moment in my life where I have ever spoken to a
significant other or even my parents about things I am struggling with. I have
a habit of keeping things to myself and carrying on without asking for help
unless I really, really, really need it. My parents were concerned about
the fact that *Scott only sees one aspect of my life and I don't say much about
my home life. They think that if I continue to keep parts of my life from him,
good or bad, that he may eventually resent that or is left wondering "Who
is this girl I am dating". My mother made it a point to question if he has
ever confided in me, and he has. He had some things going on in his life that
he wanted to keep to himself but, he told me, not his friends or family. She
also said to me, "Christal, is he the guy you think you could spend you
life with? If he is then you need to let him in. He would want to know
if you're hurting, if something is stressing you out, he should be the person
you want to lean on. Wouldn't you expect that from him?".
Then my step dad pulled me aside and said, "If
you were my girlfriend I would be really upset with you. You are going through
things right now and keeping that from him ...what else do you hide? What if he
can help you through your rough times, and if he can't help he is willing to be
there for you emotionally, what if he can offer you some guidance. Give him the
benefit of the doubt."
So here I am. Waiting at his apartment, doing
laundry while he is out making money. This is a challenge for me. I don't want
him to look down on me or pity me. I want him to understand me, know that I am
working hard for a better life and be that person I could say was there for me
when things got rough. I told him last night I wanted to talk to him today. Of
course he could not wait. He wanted to know everything immediately. Again, I
gave him bits and pieces but I am prepared today to tell him about my life.
Good luck, hon. You're a super-special girl and he should consider himself incredibly lucky to have you as a girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am lucky to have you as my friend!!
DeleteSound advise from your family. Not an easy conversation but necessary. Take your time and breathe.
ReplyDeletei will channel my therapist who always asks me? What are the emotions coming up when you think about doing this: fear? shame? guilt? anger? sadness. This usually gets me to verbalize the underlying stuff that's influencng my responses-like for example not asking my brother why he neglects staying in touch with my daughter-I am afraid he will reject me if I bring this up
ReplyDeleteThose are some good questions. I can say I feel all of those emotions at once. Fear of revealing myself, shameful of my situation, guilty for keeping things hidden, anger because I wish my family was in a better situation and sadness because there isn't much I could do.
DeleteI don't know how much information your withholding from your guy, but have you tried opening up a little at a time to him? I think it can probably be awkward to try to get everything out at once. Maybe figure out what are the more simpler things to tell him (sorry I can't think of a better way to describe it) and see how he reacts? I think for some partners they do see it as a huge milestone when their significant other confides in them because I guess it means they've hit a level of total comfort. But if it feels like it's still to much for you, maybe it is better to wait a bit. Either way I hope things are getting better in your life!
ReplyDeleteI have a new post about this!
Delete