The number one insecurity in my book was other women! You see, when you are dating someone who doesn't date people from other backgrounds you know where to keep your focus. When dating a guy who obviously doesn't have a racial preference you start to look at every girl. Does he like her? Did he check her out? The competition is not on the same playing field. You know how some guys say, "Oh, you are pretty for a black girl". Well yeah, I know I am pretty damn hot, and in my eyes I look better than every black girl. Not in a literal sense but I have confidence. When you throw in other Asian women, or white women, Indian or Middle Eastern women, where do I fit in? Am I still the prettiest in his eyes? When I met his female friends, who are all beautiful, I wondered if he would cheat on me with on of them.
I had to evaluate my feelings time and time again. Then one day while sleeping next to him he rolled over and wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. The way he held me gave me the best feeling in the world. I had to learn to trust him. I had to trust the fact that he could be anywhere but he is here with me. He asked me to come over, he wants to spend time with me, and I am the girl he wants to bring to home to his parents.
What insecurities do you have?
"Oh, you are pretty for a black girl" "Where do I fit in"??? As if Black girls are naturally not as beautiful or attractive as the girls of any other race or ethnic group! What's this backwards way of thinking??? I'm not Black, but all my girlfriends have been. In my eyes, the *are* the sexiest, most beautiful women on earth! That confidence you speak of seems like an illusion, I regret to say :(
ReplyDeleteWell I appreciate that you think that we are beautiful. I think I should fix that "have confidence" part. What I meant was, I did have confidence in myself and beauty before dating my boyfriend and it took a while to regain that confidence in myself. I do think that my way of thinking may be a little backwards because, in all honesty, black women are made to look like the most undesirable type of women. Having that "am I beautiful enough" feeling is what I had. I think I want to explore this topic a little more in another post. I thank you for your comment! I hope to hear more from you.
ReplyDeleteI think you are just over thinking the whole cheating thing because to me in a relationship (no matter how attractive or unattractive you are) if the person decides to make you his or hers than there should be no question as to if he will leave you or cheat on you.(depending on the level of trust you have in each other)
ReplyDeleteI had to learn that. I feel much more comfortable these days. Thanks for reading!
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