Jumping to Conclusions

Facebook. The place where relationships fall apart. You put your life out there and believe it or not, things can be easily misconstrued. Let’s go back 24 hours ago. I was sitting in *Scotts bed waiting for him to come home from work. We had met during his lunch break at the Chelsea Piers in Manhattan earlier that day. He went on Facebook and tagged us in a photo check-in. Some time later people began to comment on the post, one of which was a female friend of his who was going to the same place after work. He told her how great it was and they should do happy hour to catch up. Following that post a male friend of his posted the comment, “ar ar aroooooooooo” and he liked the comment. While reading that comment and the contents of the post I was under the impression that *Scott’s friend was insinuating that he was a dog. Isn’t that the noise dogs make? I was upset by this so I sent a message to *Scott telling him how I thought it was rude of him to like that comment.

Soon after we began to argue. He was pissed because I had jumped to a conclusion about his friends comment and then explained to me what it meant. I am ok with admitting that I am wrong but, I find it unhealthy to not say how you feel. I told him would he rather have me tell him something bothers me immediately or would he rather come home to me acting like a total bitch because I am keeping what I feel bottled up.

One hour later *Scott came home and didn’t say a word. When he gets upset it takes a while for him to take it down a notch. When he finally was ready to speak he asked me to explain to him what exactly I thought his friend meant by the comment, so I explained it to him. This only pissed him off more. Back and forth he went until he said the final words that took the cake, “You are suffocating me”. It was as if a ton of brick had come smashing down on me. My chest caved in and I began to cry harder than I have ever cried. How could this person I care about feel like I am suffocating him? I screamed, “Fine! I will give you space”, as my eyelashes began to peel off and mascara ran down my face. He asked me what did I mean by giving him space. I told him that I will no longer express my feelings to him be it good or bad, I will act like I don’t care. He didn’t like the idea of me acting like I don’t care and shutting him out. He ended the argument at that moment. I laid down in the bed and thought about the words he said to me. Words hurt, and as I wiped off what was left of my makeup I kept searching for the logical reason for him to use that word. I thought about what the definition of being a person who is suffocating was. I didn’t know what to think of myself then. How can this person make me feel like this? I listed my daily interactions with him to check if I matched the description.

Calls too much, no, I don’t do that. Sends texts a million times a day, no, not me. Not fitting the description only made it worse for me, it made me feel like the things I try to keep at bay is still too much for him. While driving myself crazy from over thinking he quietly laid behind me and held me tight. I can’t tell if he was holding me to make me feel better or if he was holding me to make him feel better. I could feel his heart beating so fast though, I knew he was bothered by the direction the argument had taken. He asked me to face him while attempting to wipe my tears. He kissed me on the forehead and held me so long I had to tell him to let me go. He told me he didn’t mean – I am suffocating, he meant – I was suffocating him in that moment. I asked him to no use words like that again because I will jump to a conclusion about what he means unless it is explained. He bought purchased Mexican food from my favorite restaurant and it was over.