This weekend has
been weird for me. I wasn’t with *Scott as per usual. I spent the weekend
shooting the web series I am in called “Vampz!”.
For the first time this weekend was easy for me to be without *Scott. I feel
like after I had time to sit and think about the events of this past week, I
don’t know if I really want to go on the cruise with him anymore. I feel like I
want to take a step back from us and going on a major vacation out of the
country is a big deal to me. I want first time I leave off of the continent of
North America to be either by myself, with my family, or the man I truly love.
I have been questioning my feelings for *Scott and over evaluating our
relationship over and over again. I try my best to keep my blog as honest as
possible but, there are some things that are major I keep to myself. Saturday
morning I sat for a few minutes on set writing exactly how I feel about my
relationship with *Scott. The real feelings I have held onto deep inside. After
rereading what I wrote, I didn’t like most of it.
I am the type of
person who needs to know where a relationship is headed. How the person I am
with really feels. Good or bad. I want security in my life. I want to get
married. I want to grow old with my best friend and lover. In my mind, I am not
young. I am getting older by the day. I want my fairy tale. I have come to the
conclusion this weekend that I am not afraid to leave *Scott to find the
security and love I am looking for. My biggest fear right now is that my heart
will start looking elsewhere. That has always come easy for me in any
relationship that I have been in. There are guys that are after my heart. Some
have gone through great lengths to take me away from *Scott and some who have
decided to cut me out of their lives because they know they can love me the way
I deserve. I have written plenty of times about how much I care about *Scott
and I love how he treats me. I love being with him and yes, I am in love with
him. I have to be calculated with my heart. I need to hear AND feel that he
loves me. The worst part is that my relationship deadline was May. If I felt by
that time that *Scott and I were not going to have a future together then I
would breakup with him if we have not done so already. This cruise has messed
everything up. I am confused now.
Hi, I honestly believe if you are in a two year relationship with someone and they are not claiming you fully, then maybe you need to move on. I'm not sure how old you are, but you sound like you are in your early or mid 20s. If this is the case, you still have most of your life ahead of you. No relationship is perfect and there's no such thing as a hollywood or fairytale ending. On the other hand, by two years, you should know if someone is your "ride or die," and if their words and actions don't match, then perhaps it's time to make some decisions. Good luck with whatever you decide.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I over think things but he treats me like a princess. I just really want him to say he loves me to seal the deal. He isn't very verbal with feelings and that is extremely frustrating to me. I.E he never asked me to be his girlfriend... I guess I can't have it both ways.. him showing me how much he loves me and him saying it. I am just freaking out ... post coming soon on that!
ReplyDeleteThe "Fairy Tale" is just that - a fairy tale. What if you get married, then divorced? Does that mean your happiness is shattered? To quote Einstein, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not to people or things.”
ReplyDelete