Thursday, May 23, 2013

Before *Scott Diary Entry part 3


Today I read a liberation blog. It was about lust. I loved how the author's husband described what he thought lust was, and when she didn't quite grasped the idea, he showed her. When I think of lust, I think of seeing a beautiful man, or an average man, something about them attracts me, like their eyes or lips, the way he carry’s himself. That starts my attraction and I lust after the idea of what sex would be like with him, or for him to kiss me, or for him to touch me. I think that's why I fell so hard for Tony in one night. He was a beautiful guy, his smile, he just seemed so happy. And when we danced he wasn't afraid to touch my body all while making me feel comfortable while doing so. I wanted him right then and there. And now I realize it wasn't because he was Asian, or seem exotic. It was because he was everything I had been missing for so long. So for days after I dreamed of him, and when we finally kissed I wanted to make love to him and fuck him. These are two different things. I wanted to make love because I wanted to connect with him and fuck him because I wanted him to have the best time he has ever had. I still don't hate him for standing me up. If Terry decides to fly in what will happen with us. What if I don't like him in person or I fall head over heels. I can’t have him. He lives in California. So I know I shouldn't have sex with him. That's just not right. Plus I have only been single for 2 months by then. But then again he has only been single for 3 months. 4 months by then. He has no idea that I was in a long-term relationship that was headed to engagement. I know that will turn a lot of people off, as they would think that they would be a rebound person. I am not lusting for him as I did for tony.  So it makes me curious to get to know him more to see of there is any connection. It isn’t like I’m really attracted to any other guys. 

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