Saturday, May 4, 2013

Dating Down... the fear of not being good enough


“Brunch with veteran doctors and new ones” was the message I read that made my stomach churn. *Scott is in Miami enjoying the company of his doctor family members and now his sister has joined the club. I have no other word to describe the feeling I get around *Scotts family but inferior. His family had moved to America from the Philippines when he was a child and has made themselves into a family of high achievers. *Scott and his dad being an engineers, his sister a doctor, his cousin a dentist and so on. I feel as though my career or family can compete with that. I can blame it on race difference but there are plenty of blacks that are educated with great jobs. I am graduating this summer with a BA in History. There are so many things I can do with my degree but nothing, in my opinion, which holds the prestigious title of “Doctor …” or “Engineer”. I want wanted to become a teacher one day but the economy is not providing promising or lucrative careers doing so. This leaves me to question my worthiness, for the lack of a better word, to be with *Scott. I wish I took another path in life at times however; none of them would have led him to me. I want to know what his family thinks of me so bad. Asking *Scott would be stupid because if they actually hate me, wouldn’t he spare my feelings? He comes from a family where everyone is expected to have these amazing job titles so wouldn’t they want him to be with someone on the same level? As my graduation approaches this fear resonates within me constantly. I want to be good enough. I want my family to be good enough.
Now, I know that I have no control over what my family members choose to do but honestly, I wish they could all do better. My mom has a degree in science but it was only obtained within the last few years. My sister lost the will to become a nurse, which was her dream since she was a baby.
I am dreading the day when our families would be in the same room. Those questions are asked immediately. I fear they might think that he is going to marry a poor girl. I HAVE to do much better.
Have you ever felt inferior to you partner or their family?

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